Living la vida local - 08 May 2005

Back in Italy, once more. To brag and check out people who like me. Not many, actually.

The annoying man in the noisy plan with the smelly problem.

Drinking for freeIt's me. I am very annoying. I really am. Every time I fly alone and I check in for a short trip to somewhere in Europe, and the nice girl asks "window or aisle seat?", I always reply: "the middle, please". I like to annoy people sitting next to me. I'm your worst nightmare on the economy seats. I need to brag about pretty much everything that I find interesting in that particular moment. I say a lot of bullshit. I just like to check out if someone really believes me. I always find a way to start talking and I always think about a bullshit even bigger than the previous one.

Don't ask me why. Probably because I'm just bored and probably because every time I fly I know I can get drinks for free, as many as I like (not on Ryanair, those cheap bastards charge you for everything and they don't even provide a catalogue to read!). Usually after a Jack Daniels and Coke (or, on BMI, a Pepsi and Red Label), I manage to find people to annoy even more easily. So after another 2 hours of another trip to the same country, I landed with a nice discussion about farting on the plane with some random Italian who I can't believe didn't understand I could speak Italian as well. We spoke in English, and hey, my accent is quite obvious, and after telling him a lot of nice stories about my 6 sisters and my two gay dogs, I moved on talking about my farting problem. I like to fart and I'm proud of it and I'm a very gross human. He confessed me he had a farting problem as well, and he kept going to the toilet Welcome backbecause he couldn't stand his smell. Not a real man. A real man enjoys his own smell, and he's always proud of the chemical weapon he may use, if only attacked after a heavy meal.

Collected by my mum and left at home an hour later, I realized how empty is my (old) house without my sister, my cat, my mum and me. Just my dad and my dog. I left Italy 4 years ago and every room seemed to be full, and every piece of garden seemed to be covered in dog's shit or some dead bird, and now it is not anymore. I saw the garden, and I realized that after 15 years green grass was growing again. A new young tree, a young cherry tree, has been planted over the place where my old cat was buried. I tried to feel sorry for him, even to cry, but my tears dried up many years ago, and now only Terminator 2 and few sport movies can make me (almost) emotional. He lived a long life, he shagged many pussies (ok, sounds rude - he made love with many kitties), more than I'll ever dream of, he enjoyed good meals and he pissed everywhere and he slept on my empty bed for many years, waiting for his master to come back those three weeks a year. He was the true Godfather of the whole neighborhood. Rest in peace, my old smelly shagger friend.

NursesWith empty spaces, everything seemed different. In May the temperature is always warm, but this time he seemed to hot, probably because my skin is still used to the nice rainy London weather. The strong sunlight filtered through the half shut blinds, and some shadows I've never seen before made the atmosphere a bit unusual. After the usual hug between real man (no words and 4 seconds strong hug without any kisses) with my dad I moved upstairs in my room for my personal siesta, ready to hit the only pub/bar I knew I was going to: the Texas. Some quick phone calls later to let my friends know that their champion was back, and I was already drooling on my old comfy bed.

Father and sonFew hours later, it was Texas Town time. I worked there for a while as a part time job (in the evening, after my full time job... crazy times) before packing and coming to London, and when I left, my sister replaced me, and she definitely was a bigger hit than me. Now my sister's gone somewhere in South America to travel and improve her already impressive capoeira skills, for the first time none from my family was working there. Fortunately this didn't mean I wasn't allowed to drink fantastic cocktails at special prices, for me and my guests. The usual small circle of friends was there, and soon my cousin and my dad joined as, to enjoy a quite evening talking about history and geography (with my dad around, that's all you can talk about). I tried to change the subject on something more sociable, like lesbianism and porn industry, and finally a digression about lesbians in the ancient society ended the night.

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